Some Spicy Questions
Who’s your favorite British female pop group from the ‘90s?
Is it The Spice Girls?
You like The Spice Girls?
Yeah?
What’s your favorite song of theirs?
Is it “Wannabe?”
Isn’t it so good?
Have you seen the music video?
Isn’t it so good?
Couldn’t you just watch it over and over?
What’s your favorite part of the video?
Is it when Sporty Spice does the backflip on that table?
Is it all of the iconic ‘90s outfits?
Is it when Baby Spice steals a homeless man’s hat?
I said, “Is it when Baby Spice steals a homeless man’s hat?”
You don’t remember that part?
You don’t remember Baby Spice stealing a hat right at the beginning of the “Wannabe” video?
Am I the only person who remembers Baby Spice walking up to a homeless man, patting him on the knee, yoinking his hat right off his head, and breaking out into song?
You think revisiting it will jog your memory?
Perhaps going to Youtube.com, typing “Wannabe” into the search bar, clicking on the first result, and paying close attention at the 0:12 mark will help you remember?
Did you see it?
Couldn’t you just watch it over and over?
Isn’t it wild that over 582,000,000 people have watched this video and none of us are talking about this?
Isn’t it insane that even when the moment is played at a reduced speed, the world was too distracted to notice this blatant act of disrespect?
You see it too, right?
Did you notice that only 15 seconds later, she returns the hat to him by discreetly tossing it his way?
Considering the homeless man is clearly played by an actor (his blanket’s too clean) for a scripted music video, why make a point to have this happen?
Do they address this in Spice World (a movie I haven’t seen)?
Why is this in the script?
Is it because Baby Spice is canonically a baby?
Is she just an actual baby who hasn’t learned about sharing or personal space?
Is she just an actual baby who doesn’t know what being homeless even is, making her ignorant to the consequences of her actions?
If so, WHY IS SHE BABY?
WHY IS BABY SPICE?
WHY DID WE LET A BABY SING “IF YOU WANNA GET WITH ME, BETTER MAKE IT FAST?”
WHY IS THIS BABY FLIRTY AND ALSO BUSY?
While we’re on the subject of the lyrics, what is a “zig a zig ahhh,” and why do The Spice Girls really, really want it?
Also, when they say, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,” doesn’t it kind of sound like they’re implying that if you wanna be her lover, you also have to sleep with all of her friends?
What if Baby Spice is canonically an adult though?
Is she sociopathic enough to think that returning the hat was an act of benevolence?
Is the fact that she returns it a sign that she’s an adult who knows exactly what she’s doing and is intentionally doing it for her own sadistic pleasure?
As a newly famous musician, does she thrive on exerting her newfound power over those below her in doses just small enough to put her victims through the pain of being helpless?
Does she get off on hurting the weak, even if just for 15 seconds?
Is that more exhilarating than permanently scarring somebody?
Does the intent outweigh the result?
Won’t that homeless man be happy he got his hat, but so much sadder that he let it get taken in the first place?
What has he become?
Do you think his ex-wife misses him?
Would kids even recognize him if they walked by right now?
Is Baby Spice’s sweet, innocent gimmick just an attempt to throw us off the scent of the group’s most internally callous and emotionally hollow presence?
Is she just Baby Spice because “Scary Spice” was already taken?
Did you know Baby Spice grew up to be an adult named Emma Bunton?
Will she ever explain herself?
In the era of accountability, will she ever speak up?
Will we ever know why Baby Spice steals a homeless man’s hat at the beginning of the video for “Wannabe?”
Do we want to know why?
Does anyone else smell toast?